Quick look at a cartoon I'm working on!

Oh that wacky world wide web

You know I was born in 1982. Which makes me a young man. However in the 1/4 century that I've been on this planet a lot has changed.

In 1982 nobody had a personal computer. They were basically brand new to the marketplace, nobody knew if they would catch on.

Now we spend the majority of our time glued to our monitors, and guess what? Television is now the internet.

You say pish posh! Crazy talk! But it's true. Just 16 years ago "Ice Ice Baby" was the number one hit on the radio, and the word internet wasn't even in use yet.

Now it's everything. Our banking, entertainment, and messaging services. Who needs the post office when you can just e-mail your friend? Heck who needs personal contact with another human being when you can go to a chat room or visit a pornography website. I even found my last job via an internet search.

Could you imagine telling Dale Carnegie back in his time that all you need is a keyboard to find employment and meet friends? Who needs all that meeting in person and talking on the telephone riff-raff anyway Dale? Who asked you? Moving on.

The internet is the best invention and the worst invention in the world. Its the greatest invention because now communication is complete free and flows like the great Nile River. In the past it was exceedingly difficult to communicate to say a person in India or a businessman in Hong Kong. But now all it takes is a toll-free click of a button, and you're making a mark on the planet.

However its the worst invention because of this as well. Now any Dick, Tom, or Jane can get behind their keyboard and spew vile hate and ignorance. Ignorance now flows as easily as knowledge. You see in the past to swell up idiotic ideas and stupidity you had to at least go to the town square and make a speech or post your ideas on a community center billboard.

Now all any coward has to do is click a button and he can spew his vile ignorance across the planet like a blazing wild fire of stupidity.

On second thought that maybe better than drumming up hate and fear the old fashioned way.
If Hitler or Stalin had a laptop it might have saved a lot of lives.

Because of this ease of computer/internet access and the ability to manipulate and defraud through the internet, all we have to do as a society according to Die Hard 4 is fight cyber-crime. And basically Bruce Willis a.k.a John McClaine is the only person with enough old fashioned know how to get the job done right. He doesn't even know what a computer is but he does have a few tricks up his sleeve. Boy I'm glad I saw that movie opening night the theater wasn't filled with teenagers and roustabouts. (sarcasm)

The Greaseman turned 57 this week

This is a picture of Doug "Greaseman" Tracht. He was a popular syndicated radio DJ, Howard Stern's main competition before Howard Stern became god of all media.

He had the number one morning show in Washington D.C after Howard escaped for national radio, but once "Greaseman" went national himself he lost his edge, and made a couple of racist jokes that caused outrage in the community and led to his demise from big time radio. (plus his ratings started to stink)

Anyway Greaseman lived in the same hometown as me after he was fired, and I saw him during his unemployed stage, (1999-2002) quite a bit around town. And he may not know this but I had more than one encounter with Doug "Greaseman" Tracht.

Greaseman Encounter Number One

My mom cannot drive due to a neurological condition. So after school one day I had to pick her up from the hair dresser. And she needed to go the grocery store afterwards. In the store I see this odd almost feminine man with golden locks and orange skin walking around, I knew it was somebody important.

My mom told me, "That's the Greaseman, remember him? He seems like a jerk, he's always getting his hair dyed when I am."

So my mom gets up to the cashier, and I'm a little bored, so I wander over to a closed aisle, start reading through some trashy magazines. Greaseman comes walking up and puts down about 5 cartons of Marlboros reds onto the conveyer belt.

I look up I spot the Greaseman, Greaseman sees me (keep in mind I'm 16 years old and wearing a t-shirt) and he says to me "Heeeeeeyyyyyyy, you open for action?" I go "What was that?" Greaseman smiles takes a more serious tone, "Are you open for business?"

I'm totally confused, is the Greaseman making a gay pass at me? But then I realize he thinks I'm a cashier, and the aisle is empty (even though every other cashier has about 10 old housewives in the line and the place is totally packed after school). So when he said am I open for action, he was asking if the aisle is open. I respond, "No this aisle is closed." Greaseman goes, "All right, have a goooood one"

Greaseman Encounter Number Two

After my senior year in high school (right before 9/11) I worked at a pizza place in my hometown. And I was a delivery guy but when I was bored I'd answer phones. So I see the caller ID and it says "Doug Tracht". I think nothing of this, I pick up the phone. "Waddle doodle." I go "excuse me?" He responds, "It's the Greaseman! Dooodle daddle deeeeee" I'm a little startled and confused. I go, "Hold on a minute."

I walk up to my manager, who is normally very angry and lethargic. I go "Ray, there is some guy on the phone, claims he's the Greaseman." Ray freaks out, "Greaseman's on the phone?" (Ray born and raised in the D.C area, its like having Howard Stern call if you were from NYC) So Ray rushes to the phone, and starts yelling into "DO SOME GREASE! DO SOME GREASE! HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH" Takes his order and I see the receipt, "GREASEMAN DISCOUNT 50%" (That's more than an employee discount!) I ask Ray "What was that guys problem?" Ray responds, "Oh that's Grease, he never goes out of character, he's always Greaseman."

So I take the receipt and hang it up for me and the other delivery guys. I then realize it's my turn next to grab an order, but I didn't care. I put the Greaseman's order ahead of everybody else's because I wanted to see how Greaseman lived.

So I drive to a very exclusive neighborhood in Maryland, but he lives in kind of the crappy section where all the divorced bachelors live. So I ring his door bell. A bright bronze/orange man appears with a smile as bright as the stars. Wearing a red velvet bathrobe and a gold chain, Greaseman smiles wide. I go "How are you doing today?" Greaseman responds, "How are YOOOOOOUUUUUU doing?" I go "I'm fine." Greaseman responds again, "How are you YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU doing?" I guess he's expecting me to laugh but I just can't figure out why this is supposed to be funny, I go again "I'm pretty good, here's your pizza."

Greaseman ordered a large Mexican, a pizza I had tried because I worked there but otherwise wouldn't give it a second glance. Instead of sauce it's refried beans layered with guacomole, sour cream, cheese, meat, and jalapenos on a pizza crust.

I hand Greaseman his pizza he smiles, "Great." Hands me a 20 (due to his Greaseman discount he gave me about a 9 dollar tip, the Mexican being the most expensive pizza on the menu even at 50% off a large Mexican was about 11 dollars) I was really happy. Greaseman goes "Have a goooooood one." Okay "thanks you too". Greaseman goes, "Great. Have a goooooooooooooood one."

How peculiar. Anyway happy birthday Doug "Greaseman" Tracht, even though you probably have no recollection of these insignificant events, I still hold them closely to my heart.

It's Tony Time With Tony Bee

If anyone has suggestions feel free to give me one. Enjoy the picture show as Tony Bee would say!

Early Summer Morning

It was a beautiful summer morning today in New Jersey, or as beautiful as the Garden State can be.

I rarely get up before 7am on the weekends but it was a nice to go outside before the heat takes hold in the midday.

The park right after sunrise.
Look somebody left their shoes on an electrical line. What a silly place to leave your shoes!

I should have worn sunglasses, yikes!

The sun was strong off of the river and it was difficult to see. This picture which shows a very sunny view of the river was shot using the point and click mode of my digital camera. I may have manually adjusted the exposure but everything else is just automatic.

But a few pictures later I switched everything to manual settings and the photograph at the very top of this posting I am most proud of.

I love Hoboken and New York City in the early morning because when nobody is around it reminds me of a time that I never lived in, a less crowded time.

The buildings are taller (thanks in part to this gentlemen) and the boats look like something you'd see in a really bad Kevin Costner movie. (Water World - 1995) But otherwise everything is still just as beautiful.

The Count Presents NEW COMIC June 2007

The Count's Cereal Bowl (da playa wut? edition June 22nd 2007)

The Count presents : Rich The Slick (part one) click each page and enjoy!

"Make your mouth piece obese like Della Reese" - Notorious B.I.G. (1972-1997)

THE COUNT'S CEREAL BOWL

You know I recently bought a copy of "Notorious B.I.G's Greatest Hits".

Now having owned his albums in high school I know he has a bit of an attitude problem. (read potty mouth)

But the line in the song "LONG KISS GOODNIGHT" by Mr. Biggie Smalls says this about fellow recording artist Della Reese,

"[notorious b.i.g.] I make yo mouthpiece obese like della reese"

Hold up Biggie. Damn, you didn't just say that?

That line really drew my ire.

Because who is he to speak about the lovely Della Reese?

We all struggle with our weight. I know I have.

Biggie, give her one more chance.

- THE COUNT